Jewish Personal Advertisements

These claim to be actual personal ads from Jewish newspapers and we kind of believe it -- they're not stereotypes, just weird and oddly humorous non-sequiturs.

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• Actual personal ads which appeared in Israeli newspapers:

• Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan. Write POB 74

• Yshiva bohur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman. POB 345

• Desperately seeking schmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, and krchtzing. Under 30 is OK. POB 64

• Attractive Jewish woman, 35+ college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parents' house. POB 45

• Divorced Jewish man seeks partner to attend shul with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important. POB 658

• Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons, No baggage. No personality. POB 78

• Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please. POB 56

• Staunch Jewish feminist, wears tzitzis, seeking male who will accept my independence, although you probably will not. Oh, just forget it. POB 435

• Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdalah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker. POB 787

• Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good. POB 555

• Couch potato latke, in search of the right applesauce. Let's try it for eight days. Who knows? POB 43

• 80-year-old bubbie, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male under 35. object: matrimony. I can dream, can't I? POB 545

• I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please. POB 86

• Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me. POB 53